I Told You So…

Everyone hates someone who says “I told you so”. It seems that there’s really no disagreement on that. Saying “I told you so” is wrong. That’s it…

Well, I disagree.

I think there are two kinds of “I told you so’s”, and there should definitely be a distinction. One is bad, and one is not so bad, and can be used for good in the raising of a child.

The type that we’re most familiar with is in a situation where Person A is deciding on a course of action, and runs his choice by Person B. Person B offers advice in favor of Choice #1, but Person A still chooses Choice #2. Choice #2 turns out to be a disaster, and Person B is in position to say “I told you so”. We’ve seen it a million times. Person B is deriving pleasure from Person A’s failure, and rubbing his/her face in it. Person A has lost, and Person B is claiming that he/she could have changed the result, if only Person A would have listened. We should shoot Person B in this case…

However, what about this slightly different scenario? Person A is still deciding, and Person B offers advice in favor of Choice #1 (just as above). Let’s say that Person A takes this advice and goes with Choice #1. Let’s also say that Choice #1 turns out GREAT. Person B is then in position to say “I told you so”. However, in this scenario, it’s a “good” kind of “I told you so”. Nobody is relishing in another’s failure. Nobody is beating anyone down. Person B is just taking credit for having a hand in a POSITIVE decision. If it is done nicely, there’s nothing inherently wrong with this. Both Persons could, conceivably, high-five over their joint effort, and rejoice in a decision gone right.

I find that this comes up frequently during child rearing. Children don’t know what the heck they are doing, and parents give advice all the time (whether asked for or not). I feel it’s fine to give advice, and then have it not taken, but it’s terrible to “kick the kid while he/she’s down”, if things go wrong. However, if advice is taken, and things go right, it’s a great bonding situation, and also builds trust between the child and the parent. And, if gently reminded (as in “I knew that was going to work”) the child might be more likely to take the advice of the parent in the future. Hopefully, that’s for the better.

Now you know what I think…